Re: Class Action Suit
From: Clyde D. MacGleason, counsel at law, Locke, Stocke, and Barril, p.c.
To: God, a.k.a. The Almighty, d.b.a. Lord of All
It has come to our attention that the recent legal policy enacted by the government of the United States of America (hereafter, U.S.A.) entitled the “No Child Left Behind” act (H.R. 4206), constituted a grievous and disdainful exploitation of your own policy of rapturing saints, tormenting those who have not been raptured (to wit: “left behind”), and culminating in the destruction of the known universe in order to make room for a new and improved universe. Furthermore, since it is your own written policy (see The Gospel According to Matthew, chapter 18, verse 14) that no child should perish, that is to say, that no child should suffer the fate of being “left behind,” we hereby offer our services to you as general counsel in a class action suit representing yourself, all of the heavenly hosts, your son Jesus Christ, and the evangelist St. Matthew, as co-plaintiffs against the U.S.A. government for egregious copyright violations, pursuant to U.S.A. Copyright Code XII.A.3.d-f, as well as the rules of “fair play” adopted by the World Trade Organization (and its member states, including the U.S.A.) which strictly prohibits the U.S.A. government from naming its policy with words, concepts, images, and values (implied or explicit) that have already been put into the public eye by yourself and your own inspired correspondents.
It is our counsel that you bring charges against the U.S.A. government forthwith for besmirching your own good and loving intentions and for enacting a policy that not only fails on its own merits but drags the concept of leaving no child “Left Behind” through the mud of disdain and ill-will. Please advise at your earliest convenience whether you are ready to begin this action with us.
Yours very truly,
Clyde D. MacGleason, counsel at law
Memo: In Response to Your Offer
To: Clyde D. MacGleason, counsel at law, Locke, Stocke, and Barril, p.c.
Thank you for your kind offer to represent me, my son, the heavenly hosts, and St. Matthew in pursuing claims against the U.S.A. government. I have already settled the account myself by allowing significant self-induced crashes in their housing industry, banking system, and stock market, resulting in significant loss of revenue and punitive damages. Let it be known, however, that I have not addressed this matter through the use of weather, including tornadoes, hurricanes, lightning strikes, earthquakes, tsunamis, or any of the flood and fire effects thereafter. That is not my style.